btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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