My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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