And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
