So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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