so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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