Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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