I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
