Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
did you just send me my own nude
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
