i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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