i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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