I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
