So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
