You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Fuck appropriateness.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
