and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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