So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Randomize
