What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
