Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
