I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
