he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
