so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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