don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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