Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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