get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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