What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
