Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
