There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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