Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
