im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
