we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
