After last night, I could never be a politician.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
