Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
