Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
