I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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