well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
