i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
