i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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