Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
