Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
