So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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