Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
