My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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