it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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