you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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