I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
