so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
