I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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