I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
