Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
