When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
