I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He has the fingertips of a God
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