I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
