whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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