dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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