ya dads aren't the best wingmen
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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