Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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