do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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