She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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