Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
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Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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