Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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