I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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