I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
