Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
