hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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