you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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