her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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