fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
