They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
