he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
