I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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