I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
